your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
