Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
