I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Enjoy the penises
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
