do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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