Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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