when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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