Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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