the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
