i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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