apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
