I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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