I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think people are normalizing furries
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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