Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
