Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
