I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
