Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
