What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
