Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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