he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
