Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
