So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
