Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
