I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
