I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
