24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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