Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
