So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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