my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if only i could text you this smell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dicks are not precious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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