Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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