it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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