I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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