Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
