um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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