Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
