someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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