i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
