It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My balls are so social today.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
