well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
