It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
