You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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