Whod you bang
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
