My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
