Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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