I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
