Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
