my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
