Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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