Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
