i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
