I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
