When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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