have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
