I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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